I have pulled out of my grief. Finally. The letter that arrived a few days ago telling me that I am not qualified to be trained to become a soldier has not broken me down (but slowed me down a little). I will continue fighting for myself and what I want, whatever stands in my way. I will not be silenced or pushed around any more. Not by anyone.
My first action is to join a voluntary military training group. It's an alternate route to become a soldier in the Swedish army, and I'll try it out. It's not exactly what I want, but I'll have to be flexible right now and try different options.
I will also appeal against the decision, which to me is wrongly taken. I know who I am and what I want to do. And I will tell them. Hopefully this will give me the right to participate in the defensive forces of my country. If it doesn't, I will still have the alternate route.
Yay me for being strong and finally standing up for myself!